Monday, May 25, 2015

Healing your skin

          My skin is the best it's ever looked since I've hit puberty. But... I know the struggle with acne can be real. Real real real bad. But could it be real real real neutral? It’s like “I can’t be happy until this stuff goes away.” I wonder about my future pimples. I culminate on the one or two I have right now. I make my whole life revolve around the health of my skin. But what if there was another way? Compassion. It’s easy to abandon ourselves when everything’s going good with our skin because we just think “Hey, there’s nothing there to worry about. Let me just worry about something else. Let’s worry about my future pimples.” What about the girl behind the skin? What about the girl that needs love and attention? You. The future always comes. And it always disappoints. Because if right now we base our happiness on the conditions of the future, the conditions never measure up. How about having fewer expectations for our own happiness? How about having none. I love my future self even if that future self is covered in pimples. I love my skin right now because it does so much for me. There is so many functions of the skin. And if anyone judges my skin, it doesn't mean anything. Does it really mean anything? If I'm really focused on self-acceptance, I feel compassion for the girl in the mirror who faces some pain and judgement in her life. Just straight up raw compassion. And that's more important that the pimples on your face. I made marriage vows to myself from myself. One of the vows was to shower myself in love and affection every single day. Isn't that a nice vow? Stop the self hate.. appreciate. But remember, no matter what advice you get, the truth is in your own heart <3. 

Saturday, May 23, 2015

How to love yourself

          When someone asks you if you can do something for them, and you say “yes” to it even if you really don’t want to, just because you’re that type of person, that’s not loving yourself. Loving yourself means tending to your own needs first and foremost. Seems like something so simple but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Sometimes it’s something like work where you have no choice but to say yes to something you don’t wish to do. Loving yourself means accepting your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions with peace. If you are ashamed of any of these things, it’s hard to be gentle with yourself. We treat ourselves in the way we think we deserve to be treated. Often we treat ourselves in the way we think others will treat us if they find out how we have thought, felt, or acted. We imagine a harsh world’s words of discontent in our heads rumbling around, as our bodies and our hearts start to stiffen up. But how would God treat you? I see God as like a life source kind of. God is very very very gentle with His children. God would forgive you and show you what a beautiful path you have to live. You can turn it around! God overlooks your mistakes and gives you that feeling of joy. You are not your mistakes, or your failures. You are the soul behind them. The beautiful soul that knows of only of peace, watching your human self dig in the darkness.   
Being at peace is really a full time job for everyone. We are all so very different and some of us struggle with that. We say “Why must I be so different? Why must I stand out?” God made you to be different! We all are working together on loving ourselves.  We all want to know that we are safe and that we belong no matter what our bodies look like. You do. You belong. We all belong to one God. And God wants us to love and respect ourselves because we are his grandest creations.

          Sometimes I feel like I have to force myself to love myself, or force myself to think positive compassionate thoughts about myself, and then the next moment be like “Urghh.. this is full of crap”. Then I look in the mirror and say “I am enough. I am”. Then I just fully surrender into the mayhem of pain going on when it comes to looking at myself in the mirror. And it feels like relief. And then I really start to feel compassion for myself. And I am like “Okay. You are spending a lot of time forcing yourself to be by yourself and to really be all lovey dovey with yourself… Shouldn’t you get a..lifeee?” But this is what I want to do. This is what I’m passionate about. I’m passionate about self-development and learning every single day to love myself. I want to practice loving myself by myself so when I’m around people, I don’t leave myself behind. So when I’m around people, I don’t feel like half of a person. So when I’m around people, I’ll know what I really want. And I can give them the love I fill myself up with each day.  I know how hard it can be to feel like you need to be the perfect person and have all your ducks lined up in a row before you choose to love yourself, but you can love yourself at any time and at any place during your life. I know it seems “If I can only get this person to approve of me, I can be at peace with who I am and what I look like.”