My skin is the best it's ever looked since I've hit puberty. But... I know the struggle with acne can be real. Real real real bad. But could it be real real real neutral? It’s like “I can’t be happy until this stuff goes away.” I wonder about my future pimples. I culminate on the one or two I have right now. I make my whole life revolve around the health of my skin. But what if there was another way? Compassion. It’s easy to abandon ourselves when everything’s going good with our skin because we just think “Hey, there’s nothing there to worry about. Let me just worry about something else. Let’s worry about my future pimples.” What about the girl behind the skin? What about the girl that needs love and attention? You. The future always comes. And it always disappoints. Because if right now we base our happiness on the conditions of the future, the conditions never measure up. How about having fewer expectations for our own happiness? How about having none. I love my future self even if that future self is covered in pimples. I love my skin right now because it does so much for me. There is so many functions of the skin. And if anyone judges my skin, it doesn't mean anything. Does it really mean anything? If I'm really focused on self-acceptance, I feel compassion for the girl in the mirror who faces some pain and judgement in her life. Just straight up raw compassion. And that's more important that the pimples on your face. I made marriage vows to myself from myself. One of the vows was to shower myself in love and affection every single day. Isn't that a nice vow? Stop the self hate.. appreciate. But remember, no matter what advice you get, the truth is in your own heart <3.
The truth is in your own heart
Monday, May 25, 2015
Healing your skin
My skin is the best it's ever looked since I've hit puberty. But... I know the struggle with acne can be real. Real real real bad. But could it be real real real neutral? It’s like “I can’t be happy until this stuff goes away.” I wonder about my future pimples. I culminate on the one or two I have right now. I make my whole life revolve around the health of my skin. But what if there was another way? Compassion. It’s easy to abandon ourselves when everything’s going good with our skin because we just think “Hey, there’s nothing there to worry about. Let me just worry about something else. Let’s worry about my future pimples.” What about the girl behind the skin? What about the girl that needs love and attention? You. The future always comes. And it always disappoints. Because if right now we base our happiness on the conditions of the future, the conditions never measure up. How about having fewer expectations for our own happiness? How about having none. I love my future self even if that future self is covered in pimples. I love my skin right now because it does so much for me. There is so many functions of the skin. And if anyone judges my skin, it doesn't mean anything. Does it really mean anything? If I'm really focused on self-acceptance, I feel compassion for the girl in the mirror who faces some pain and judgement in her life. Just straight up raw compassion. And that's more important that the pimples on your face. I made marriage vows to myself from myself. One of the vows was to shower myself in love and affection every single day. Isn't that a nice vow? Stop the self hate.. appreciate. But remember, no matter what advice you get, the truth is in your own heart <3.
Saturday, May 23, 2015
How to love yourself
When someone asks you if you can do something for them, and
you say “yes” to it even if you really don’t want to, just because you’re that
type of person, that’s not loving yourself. Loving yourself means tending to
your own needs first and foremost. Seems like something so simple but that
doesn’t mean it’s easy. Sometimes it’s something like work where you have no
choice but to say yes to something you don’t wish to do. Loving yourself means
accepting your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions with peace. If you are
ashamed of any of these things, it’s hard to be gentle with yourself. We treat
ourselves in the way we think we deserve to be treated. Often we treat
ourselves in the way we think others will treat us if they find out how we have
thought, felt, or acted. We imagine a harsh world’s words of discontent in our
heads rumbling around, as our bodies and our hearts start to stiffen up. But
how would God treat you? I see God as like a life source kind of. God is very
very very gentle with His children. God would forgive you and show you what a
beautiful path you have to live. You can turn it around! God overlooks your
mistakes and gives you that feeling of joy. You are not your mistakes, or your
failures. You are the soul behind them. The beautiful soul that knows of only
of peace, watching your human self dig in the darkness.
Being at peace
is really a full time job for everyone. We are all so very different and some
of us struggle with that. We say “Why must I be so different? Why must I stand
out?” God made you to be different! We all are working together on loving
ourselves. We all want to know that we are safe and that we
belong no matter what our bodies look like. You do. You belong. We all belong
to one God. And God wants us to love and respect ourselves because we are his
grandest creations.
Sometimes
I feel like I have to force myself to love myself, or force myself to think
positive compassionate thoughts about myself, and then the next moment be like
“Urghh.. this is full of crap”. Then I look in the mirror and say “I am enough.
I am”. Then I just fully surrender into the mayhem of pain going on when it
comes to looking at myself in the mirror. And it feels like relief. And then I
really start to feel compassion for myself. And I am like “Okay. You are
spending a lot of time forcing yourself to be by yourself and to really be all
lovey dovey with yourself… Shouldn’t you get a..lifeee?” But this is what I
want to do. This is what I’m passionate about. I’m passionate about self-development
and learning every single day to love myself. I want to practice loving myself
by myself so when I’m around people, I don’t leave myself behind. So when I’m
around people, I don’t feel like half of a person. So when I’m around people,
I’ll know what I really want. And I can give them the love I fill myself up
with each day. I know how hard it can be
to feel like you need to be the perfect person and have all your ducks lined up
in a row before you choose to love yourself, but you can love yourself at any
time and at any place during your life. I know it seems “If I can only get this
person to approve of me, I can be at peace with who I am and what I look like.”
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